


A Preview of Armageddon

by edna_blackadder



Category: Good Omens - Neil Gaiman & Terry Pratchett
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2009-12-16
Updated: 2009-12-16
Packaged: 2017-12-07 08:25:07
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,898
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/746398
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/edna_blackadder/pseuds/edna_blackadder
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A series of frantic telegrams, as remembered by Adam Young.</p>
            </blockquote>





	A Preview of Armageddon

**Author's Note:**

> This was originally written for baby_werewolf for go_exchange 2009. Thanks to sarcasticsra for the beta. All mistakes are my own, unless they are in Wilhelm and Nikolai's telegrams, as those are real and lifted verbatim from an old history book. Can I say I've co-written a fic with two long-dead rulers?

A few months after That Saturday, when Adam Young returned to school, his history teacher noticed something different about him: his marks. Adam had gone from patchy on account of apathy to brilliant, apparently overnight. As his newfound smarts did not appear to have changed his or his gang’s bad behaviour, Adam’s teacher was naturally convinced that he was cheating.

He was, by his teacher’s definition. But the teacher could never prove it, and no one would ever believe him if he did. Filed away carefully in Adam’s all-powerful and all-remembering mind were the complete life histories of two entities who knew considerably more about history than his teacher ever would. The six-thousand-year lives of Aziraphale and Crowley, even glimpsed briefly, were more than enough to answer any dry, textbook question.

Adam hadn’t planned to use their memories in his schoolwork. The thought hadn’t even occurred to him until, depressed about the summer’s end, he reluctantly opened a book and then realised he didn’t need to read about the event depicted, because he had already seen it happen, and he couldn’t un-see it.

Assigned to read about the outbreak of World War I, Adam cast his book aside, lay back on his bed and closed his eyes, watching as two men and two men-shaped beings frantically scribbled telegrams to each other.

*

From Kaiser Wilhelm II to Tsar Nikolai II, 28 July 1914, 10:45 P.M.:

_I have heard with the greatest anxiety the impression which is caused by the action of Austria-Hungary against Serbia. The inscrupulous agitation which has been going on for years in Serbia, has led to the revolting crime of which Archduke Franz Ferdinand has become a victim. The spirit which made the Serbians murder their own King and his consort still dominates that country. Doubtless You will agree with me that both of us, You as well as I, and all other sovereigns, have a common interest to insist that all those who are responsible for this horrible murder shall suffer their deserved punishment…._

_Your most sincere and devoted friend and cousin  
Wilhelm_

From Crowley to Aziraphale, simultaneously:

_Angel,_

_The Kaiser is a man of honour. I know that sounds nice, but think about it. Men of honour have no sense. If Austria-Hungary goes to war, Germany will too, despite the fact that Germany has no real stake in this conflict. If you want to avoid that, you’d better persuade Tsar Nikolai to carefully consider the telegram he will shortly receive from his cousin._

_Crowley_

From Aziraphale to Crowley, 29 July, 3:00 A.M.:

_Crowley, my dear,_

_I have just read your telegram, and I must say I’m surprised at you. Am I to understand that you wish to prevent the coming war? Hasn’t your side been planning this for years? A certain red-haired woman has been everywhere._

_Yours,  
Aziraphale_

From Crowley to Aziraphale, 9:00 A.M.:

_Angel,_

_My side, sure. I’m all for it, in theory. But the fact is, no matter who wins, Europe as we know it will be destroyed. Not just Europe, either, what with all those colonies both their sides have got. It’ll be a preview of Armageddon. Think of all those quaint little cafés you’ll never see again—and for what? Say hi to Red for me._

_Crowley_

From Tsar Nikolai II to Kaiser Wilhelm II, 1:00 P.M.:

_I am glad that you are back in Germany. In this serious moment I ask You earnestly to help me. An ignominious war has been declared against a weak country and in Russia the indignation which I full share is tremendous. I fear that very soon I shall be unable to resist the pressure exercised upon me and that I shall be forced to take measures which will lead to war. To prevent a calamity as a European war would be, I urge You in the name of our old friendship to do all in Your power restrain Your ally from going to war._

_Nikolai_

From Aziraphale to Crowley, simultaneously:

_Crowley, my dear,_

_I’m more likely to run into Black these days; he seems to be planning something for the Russian countryside. Crowley, I agree with you and I have tried to reason with Nikolai, but my influence over him is limited these days. I’m afraid you will be most displeased when you read his telegram. Can’t you do something about that Rasputin character you sent? He has shaken the Romanovs’ faith in God, and by extension, their trust in me. If you can reason with Wilhelm, do so._

_Yours,  
Aziraphale_

From ‘the Dark Council’ to Rasputin, 1:30 P.M.:

_Sit down and shut up._

From Crowley to Aziraphale, simultaneously:

_Angel,_

_‘Most displeased’—that’s putting it mildly. If you’re right about Famine, I’m sure indignation in Russia is tremendous—indignation against the Tsar. I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again: humans can beat Hell at its own game any day. They see that a calamity is brewing; they see that it is preventable…and they don’t prevent it. I’m not speaking only of Nikolai, but of Wilhelm also. The best part is that as he sees it, he’s nobler than any angel. He wants peace, but not enough to abandon Austria-Hungary._

_Crowley_

From the Dark Council to Crowley, 3:45 P.M.:

_CROWLEY,_

_USE OUR NAME AGAIN AND BEELZEBUB WILL PERSONALLY TEAR YOU TO PIECES._

_[an illegible insignia]_

From Crowley to the Dark Council, 3:46 P.M.:

_My Lords,_

_So very sorry to have offended you, lords! It was a test, I swear! I’m very pleased Rasputin passed._

_Very respectfully,_  
Your most humble and obedient servant,  
Crowley 

From Aziraphale to Crowley, 5:15 P.M.:

_Crowley, my dear,_

_I hope you aren’t in too much trouble over that Rasputin business. I’m so dreadfully sorry, and I thank you earnestly for trying. As for humans’ capability for evil, as I’ve told you before, that’s the genius of giving them free will. I urge you once more to do all that you can to persuade the Kaiser to use his, and quickly—Nikolai’s advisers are pushing for mobilisation._

_Yours,  
Aziraphale_

From Kaiser Wilhelm II to Tsar Nikolai II, 6:30 P.M.:

_I have received Your telegram and I share Your desire for the conservation of peace. However: I cannot—as I told You in my first telegram—consider the action of Austria-Hungary as an ‘ignominious war.’ Austria-Hungary knows from experience that the promises of Serbia as long as they are merely on paper are entirely unreliable…. I believe that a direct understanding is possible and desirable between Your government and Vienna, an understanding which I—as I have already telegraphed you—my Government endeavours to aid with all possible effort. Naturally military measures by Russia, which might be construed as a menace by Austria-Hungary, would accelerate a calamity which both of us desire to avoid and would undermine my position as a mediator which—upon Your appeal to my friendship and aid—I willingly accepted._

_Wilhelm_

From Crowley to Aziraphale, simultaneously:

_Angel,_

_I’ve done my best. Well, my worst, really, given what I’m supposed to be doing. Burn these telegrams for me, will you?_

_Crowley_

From the Dark Council to Crowley, 7:00 P.M.:

_CROWLEY,_

_IT WAS SPECTACULARLY ILL-TIMED. WE NOTICE ALSO THAT HAD HE FAILED, IT WOULD HAVE BENEFITED THY ENEMY. ART THOU TRYING TO SABOTAGE OUR WAR?_

_[an illegible insignia]_

From Crowley to the Dark Council, 7:01 P.M.:

_My Lords,_

_Of course not, lords! So sorry, lords! Will clear all future tests with you before administering them, lords!_

_Very respectfully,_  
Your most humble and obedient servant,  
Crowley 

From Kaiser Wilhelm II to Tsar Nikolai II, 30 July, 1:00 A.M.:

_My Ambassador has instructions to direct the attention of Your Government to the dangers and serious consequences of a mobilisation. I have told You the same in my last telegram. Austria-Hungary has mobilised only against Serbia, and only a part of her army. If Russia, as seems to be the case, according to Your advice and that of Your Government, mobilises against Austria-Hungary, the part of the mediator with which You have entrusted me in such friendly manner and which I have accepted upon Your express desire, is threatened if not made impossible. The entire weight of decision now rests upon Your shoulders, You have to bear the responsibility for war or peace._

_Wilhelm_

From Crowley to Aziraphale, simultaneously:

_Aziraphale,_

_ Do something. _

_Crowley_

From Aziraphale to Crowley, 1:15 A.M.:

_Dear Crowley,_

_I am very, very sorry for what I’m about to tell you. I have just learned, in a rather roundabout way, that I can’t. I have just received a commendation from Up There for my efforts to shore up Russian military support for Serbia’s noble freedom fighters. Now that I know Heaven also wishes there to be a war, you know as well as I do that I can’t disobey, though frankly, even if I did stay here and try, I doubt it would do much. Russia has already begun to mobilise, over my strongest protests. I will stay through all remaining negotiations, but if peace cannot be brokered, I will be returning to London and I suggest that you do the same._

_Yours,  
Aziraphale_

*

Adam opened his eyes and sat up, his slouch taking a decidedly sullen form. Memories like these re-awakened the voices in his mind, telling him how much better he could remake everything. Adam shook his head with some effort. He knew it was long past, and that there had definitely been some messing about, but it still made him angry at humanity. He struggled to remember that it wasn’t his place to try and change anyone.

TECHNICALLY IT IS, said a voice behind him. Adam turned, not surprised to see Death there. BUT YOU MADE YOUR CHOICE TO ABDICATE. YOU CAN STILL CHANGE YOUR MIND.

‘I’ll bet you were really busy then,’ said Adam glumly.

YES, said Death, AND BUSIER STILL FOR THE NEXT ONE. BUT FOR THE BIG ONE, I DID NOT HAVE TO LIFT A FINGER.

‘Yeah,’ said Adam, ‘because I said no.’

SO YOU DID, said Death, BUT YOU WEREN’T ALONE. THEY TRIED MUCH HARDER THEN. AND THERE WERE OTHERS. YOUR FRIENDS, FOR A START.

‘Yeah,’ said Adam. Dog whined, and Adam reached down to scratch his chin. ‘It’s just depressing, that’s all.’

IT IS. THEY HAVE BOTH SEEN TOO MUCH.

‘And they still wanted to keep it all.’

YES. DO YOU?

‘Course I do,’ said Adam firmly, and the voices quieted down to a dull roar. ‘No reason we shouldn’t be allowed to have a future just because the past was all messed up. And maybe now that people aren’t being messed about so much, things like that won’t happen.’

PERHAPS, said Death, and vanished.

Adam dispatched with his homework in minutes, then wandered outside, ignoring his father’s protests that it was past dinnertime. He walked slowly towards the quarry, followed by a curious Dog, and took in the sight of Tadfield. His corner of the world, the only part he wanted to rule. He suddenly felt much calmer.

Things still weren’t perfect, and maybe they weren’t even good, but they had gotten better. And they were about to get a little bit better still, because he saw the other Them hurrying towards him.


End file.
